Dear Jaya,

I’m trying to get okay with just having been passed over for a promotion I was hoping for that went to a colleague of mine instead. Honestly, I didn’t want it that badly. There were even a few things about the job that could actively make me miserable. Still, I can’t help feeling jealous and frustrated. It certainly would have been a good career move. Any thoughts?

-- Off-Kilter

 

Dear OK,

I’m going to give you four questions to ask yourself. Anyone can use these to contemplate anything someone else got that you lost out on, whether it’s a job, a lover, an award, or the last stuffed croissant in the pastry lineup. Answer the questions on paper or out loud to yourself or to anyone who will listen. Get very specific with your answers.

Since you’re already onto this one, let’s start here: How were you spared by not being chosen? List all the reasons why you’re better off without the promotion.

Next, see if you can drop any story you have about your needs or good career moves or anything about you, and consider this: Why is the other the better choice? Look at that person as objectively as you can and simply give credit where credit is due.

Now come back to yourself and answer this: Do you have an intention that’s bigger than this? Maybe something about which you’d never say, “Honestly, I don’t want it that badly.” Can you feel the passion when you speak of this other intention?

Finally: How is the Universe supporting your greater intention by not giving you this? Not getting this promotion actually serves you. It’s the best thing that could happen to you to ensure you stay on track with what really matters to you. Get crystal clear about what you’re up to, then you can let go of any jealousy that comes up about what someone else gets. They can have their beautiful stories, because you’ve got yours. And you like yours better! You’re really more than OK.

Love, Jaya

Disclaimer: I'm a personal coach specializing in getting people from breakup to breakthrough, or guiding anyone who wants to do deep spiritual work to transform their life experience. I am not a health, business, or financial coach, and I'm not a therapist. Opinions expressed in this column are not intended to replace the advice of licensed professionals.

To submit a question for possible inclusion in a future column, please e-mail Jaya through the contact form on her profile.

 

TAGGED WITH: friendly Universe, intention, Ithaca, Jaya the Trust Coach, jealousy, life coach, life coaching, losing out